Hiatus on New Year

Today is a boring day for me. Ironically, it's New year. I tried to finish up Jay's work but it's like endless. I hate to admit that this semester has make my life a living hell. I tried to just go with it but everything seems fallen apart.

I miss home already and since I've screwed up on my yesterday's Poetry paper, it exactly had added extra intense for me to crawl to Jay's office now and kill her using 100 methods a serial killer would have think of. 
It's not that I hate her...it's just I can't go on with this kind of situation..with her in it anymore.
It's gonna be an exactly 'hell no' if anybody gonna point me out to be her representative again for the next semester.

Furthermore, keeping up with my new appearance is a very challenging thing.
I try to be ...consistent.
Uh, but it's really...um.. hard.
I tried to cover my aurah as a Muslimah the best as I can but sometimes, when I was in a hurry, I forgot to do this thing and that like wear socks, handsocks etc.
Just sometimes, I really wish I was born as a boy.
It looks kinda easy to be like them. Their aurah is not as restricted as girl's.
But Islam's my choice.
So I'll try my very best to follow every rules because I know...Islam is THE BEST.
InsyaAllah...O ALLAH...please keep me on this right track.

*****************

Okay gotta go!
I'm PMS-ing right now so everything I wrote down here is actually kinda off record.
I might delete this post on the next day.
IDK. 
ALLAH, help me....

Nenek...

Bila nenek dah takde..
Aku rase sepi sangat...
Bila nenek dah takde...
Aku sedih giler.....

Masa nenek ade..
Aku selalu cakap aku sibuk...
Masa nenek ade...
Aku kadang-kadang macam malas nak datang rumah die...

Sekarang nenek dah takde...
Kurang dah insan2 yang selalu buat aku gelak dengan lawak2 spontan..
Nak pujuk aku bile aku majowk dengan parents or abang aku...
Nak support aku...
Nak dengar keluh kesah kak esah aku
Nak nasihatkan aku...

Aku betul2 x sangka raya haritu raya last dengan nenek..
And aku ingat lagi..
Masa raya haritu...
Classmate aku yang duduk kat Besut tu nak kawen...
aku nak ikut sorang kawan lelaki (classmate) aku g kenduri kawen die...
Aku dah rancang dengan sorg member pompuan aku g sesama dengan kawan lelaki aku tu...
Pastu tup2 kawan pompuan aku tu tak jadi pergi sebab kawan lelaki tu nak bertolak malam2..
Tak manis la lelaki pompuan berdua..malam2 pulak tu..
Nenek denga je ummi kate aku nak g Besut...
straight marahkan aku...
nenek kate "Akak ni x takut ke keluar dengan lelaki?..kawan pun..kite org perempuan ade maruah diri.. lelaki ni lain..."
Masa tu memang la kecik ati dengan nenek...sebab kene marah...pastu kawan yang lelaki tu pon macam marah gak arr sebab aku cancel last2 minit..
Tapi nenek kate "Biar la die nak marah...janji ALLAH tak marah."
Aku pon sentappp...
Itu antara nasihat terakhir nenek..
sebab lepastu dah jarang jumpe..
aku dah sibuk nak balik U...

Nenek..
Rindulaaaa kat nenek...
Haritu malina seludup baju kurung nenek...
Ade lagi bau ketiak nenek...heheee gurau jewkkk...

Nenek...dah takde sape nak buat frasa-frasa kelakar lepas ni...
"Akak kacang panjang"
PESBOK! = facebook
POPIA= fobia
"Ahaaaaiiiiii.."= trademark nenek
Dak boab: Abang bob
Leptoap: laptop
Toam: Tom

NENEK....

MALINA RINDU NENEK!!!

Semoga nenek bahagia bersama orang-orang yang solehah di sana...
Malina tengok dah gambar nenek masa kafan..
Nenek cantik sangat ..tenang sangat wajah nenek...serba putih...nenek pon putih....
Even masa kali terakhir malina bawak nenek g klinik, ade sorang kakak ni cakap nenek cantikkk sangat...
Nenek memang cantik pon...kalah cucu-cucu dia...
Ada taik lalat manis...
Nenek cantik dan tak sombong...
Sayang sangat kat nenek.

Macam semalam dengar nenek gelak...
Banyaaaakkkk sangat kenangan dengan nenek...
Tengok wrestling dengan nenek....
Nenek...nenek...

sekarang ni semua orang masih suram...
bila jengah rumah nenek...hati ni sayu sangat...hiba giler
Tengok kat kain sejadah nenek..kitab nenek..
tuala alas kepala nenek...katil kesayangan nenek..
bunga...
semua ada kenangan dengan nenek..

Ya ALLAH...
Bahagiakanlah kehidupan Hajjah Saniah Kamat di sana...
Kau ampunilah segala dosa-dosanya..
Jadikanlah kubur nenek salah satu daripada taman-taman syurgaMu, ya Rabbul 'Izzati..
Amin...ya Rabbal 'Alamiiinnn...
Al-Fatihah untuk arwah nenek @ Saniah Kamat @ Mak Lang...

Last hari raya picture with nenek tercinta...

ALLAH lebih menyayangimu nek...

Lebiuu forever!!!

Beautiful Memory

Assalamualaikum wbt to all readers!

Have you ever feel like you're gonna lose something that you never ever expect it will gone forever?
Have you ever cry for something that isn't happening yet because you're so afraid that it might happen?
Have you ever think of someone you love struggling in their deathbed and you cannot be by their side?
Do you ever feel the guilt like a huge lump in your throat because you're not always there for someone you love so much?
Do you ever thought there's always someone who can ALWAYS listen to you and giving you thoughtful advice when you're so upset but that person is now struggling in the hospital?
Do you ever love a person so much that it's sooo hard to accept the reality now that they are sick?
Do you?
Do you?
This is what happening to me now..
I am worried to death!
I want nenek to recover soon but when the doctor said that she's in a very critical state now...only prayers I can offer now.
I miss her already and the memories I spend with her just floating by like the mallards in lake.
I want nenek to regain back her health but when mommy send me pictures of her in the hospital, bedridden...
I am kinda losing my grip now.
I have faith only in ALLAH.
So here's my prayer:

"O ALLAH..please have mercy on grandma's soul and please release the burden that she is feeling right now. Please help her to recover back...please please please spare the torment that she's feeling now because I know she despises hospital so much it kills her deep down. Please O ALLAH the Most Gracious Most Merciful...have mercy on grandma.. Amin.. :'(

nenek..I miss you... :'(