Disappointed

Have you ever feel disappointed with yourself and you believe that there's nothing good in you?
You think that no one in this world care about what you do because you don't care about them too.
People only care about the mistakes that you've done and their faces ignorantly keep on reminding you that you are nothing but worthless to them.
Have you ever try to reflect all the deeds and sins that you've committed but eventually you're stuck to a dead end?
You always wonder and ponder how this world and the people in it could become so evil but you might be ignorant about the cruel things that you have done to them too.
You think you've done your best to be a good man, but in the end, people still treat you like a scum.
Maybe they did not mean to treat you that way, but your feelings keep on telling yourself that they really do.
You feel disgusted with yourself and also the people around you.
But that abhorring feelings couldn't go away although you try to think there might be many more crueler people in this world other than you.
Are you cruel?
Maybe yes to some people, maybe not to some other people.
When you try to sleep, you commit the biggest lie.
You tell ALLAH that you've forgiven everyone who had done shits to you but when you wake up the next day, there's still hatred in your heart.
And when you bump into that person or any innocent strangers that are looking or behaving like them, you frown.
You frown and you get mad for no reasons.
You keep yourself quiet, and try not to believe that you have hatred in you.
Meaning you have the devil inside you.
But that feeling wouldn't just fade away and leave you in peace.
You cry and plead Allah to make all these stop, but God only helps those who help themselves.
So, please ALLAH..give courage in the heart of everyone of us who has this kind of feeling to let us help ourselves. Please ALLAH...bestowed upon us kind and forgiving hearts...keep us close to You...we're all just want to live in PEACE. 
Amin...

Trend Kahwin.

Assalamualaikum wbt...

Aku baru habis blogwalking and aku perasan ramai yang sekarang ni sibuk troll kat dalam blog and pesbok pasal kahwin..kahwin..kahwin..
Naik jealous nyampah aku pasal sibuk sume nak discuss bajet kahwin memahal and macam tak ukur baju di badan sendiri...
Aku bukan apa aku tengok orang sekarang ni over sangat bila pikir bab mejelis kahwin, mejelis akad nikah,,pre-shoot...post-shoot..khemah glow in da dark..candy booth la..photo booth la padahal orangnye keje biasa-biasa aje...bukannya anak datuk or tan sri or anak sultan pon...
Yang aku tak boleh tahan bila mak bapaknye pon sibuk nak jugak demand wang hantaran lebih-lebih kat yang lelakinya...hailaaa...

Kalau anak pompuan ko tu master or phd holder, pandai masak sedap-sedap, tau mengemas rumah, baik hati, muka top2 Miranda Kerr, takpelah nak demand lebih-lebih hokayy...

Ni dah la SPM pon tak lopaih, pemalas, pengotor, perangai tak senonoh...depan lelaki aje cover ayu padahal kat rumah stok-stok pakai kain batik senget dengan rambut kembang nak demand duit hantaran sampai 10K...
Ko mampeww...
Mana tak botak laki ko...buat mejelis gempak2..sampai hutang keliling pinggang...last2 duduk rumah sewa kat flat ajek...kenduri makan nasik beriyani gam...dah kahwin duk la makan bubur kosong hari-hari pasal duit gaji asyik kene potong aje bayau hutang kahwin...

Cut your coat according to your cloth la deyyy...

Pasal tu la kalau orang yang bijak and rasional, die buat kenduri biasa-biasa aje...biase tu bukanlah taraf-taraf orang kahwin macam kene tangkap basah..buat majlis makan-makan yang lauknye biasa-biasa...hantaran pon tak tinggi nak mampos...pastu takdelah sibuk nak meriah-meriah sangat siap nak buat candy booth, photo booth bagai..kalau candy booth tokley bla die g letak choki-choki aje kannn..orang lain buat ko pon nak buat jugak kaannn padahal letak choki-choki ajerr...citpodaa...

Lantaklah korang yang buat camtu bukan aku yang kahwin ponn..
Tapi tulah...sekadar renungan je lah ...sebab makin lama makin tak bley bla trend orang kahwin sekarang..

Baik arr duit yang 10K ko tu ko buat down payment kereta dulu ke... or kumpul sikit lagi untuk bayau duit down payment rumah yang selesa ke...pastu kahwin buat ringkas-ringkas aje...janji life lepas kahwin tu bahagia sebab semua basic necessities dah ada...takdela nak pening2 or gaduh laki bini pasal hal-hal macamni kann..
ni idok...kahwin nak kat hotel renaissance, lepas kahwin kene kejar dengan bank sebab tak bayau hutang....
no wonder la kawin baru sebulan dah sibuk nak bercerai-berai....

Pastu, lagi satu yang aku paling tak paham dengan trend kawin masyarakat mesia sekarang ni ialah trend baju pengantin diorang....
Aku tak pelik la bile dah tua sok anak-anak ko gelakkan ko sebab baju kahwin ko warne blue turquoise dengan hot pink...takpun warna orange dengan purple golap...dah la kontra pastu mekap pulak macam nak g circus kheennn...ko nak kahwin ke nak join Katy Perry buat show?
Ye..ye...aku tau sekarang memang trend pakai baju warna warni yang kontras tapi takyah la sampai kawin pon nak warne cenggitu sebab gambar kahwin kan orang akan simpan sampai bile-bile...kalau nak pilih warna pon biolah warne yang classy...warna-warna pastel macam white or cream or soft pink....evergreen je kan....timeless...

Rasa-rasa antara due warna tema pelamin kat atas yang mana kene gelak dengan budak-budak 20 tahun akan datang?

K ah malas nak tulis panjang-panjang lagi...
Tapi aku harap supaya masyarakat mesia ni silalah berpijak di bumi yang nyata k...

Quotes to be pondered:
“Sesungguhnya Allah tidak menyukai orang-orang yang berlebih-lebihan.” (Surah al-A’raaf, 7: 31)

Our wedding was many years ago. The celebration continues to this day. --Gene Perret

Cau cin cau...

When Death is Near.

The Angel of Death is still wandering in my kampong ever since nenek passed away.
Obediently crossing out the names of people to be 'picked' because their time's already up.
We as the audience can only shiver when the thought of meeting up the Angel comes across our minds.

Last night was literally the last night for my neighbour, Allahyarhamah Kak Nurul Atiqah Ahmad (Al-Fatihah) to breathe the air upon this Earth. 

Kak Tiqa (right) AL-FATIHAH

She's still young - just 25 this year but when Allah says it's Kun Fayakun, she passed away peacefully after suffering from the aggressive Stage IV brain tumour at +-9 o'clock last night.
Everything merely started on the late September 2012 after she got involved in a minor car accident and the truth be told when the doctor finished doing a CT scan on her- to check if there's any broken bones and what they discovered was a stage II brain tumour instead. 
And the tiny little tumour started to spread up aggressively...TOTALLY..just within 3/4 months the benign turned into malignant and kept growing up until her head looked swollen like there's a bomb inside. 
I feel extremely thousands and thousands of sympathy+ sorry to her and her family for this but our sorry can't fight things that had been fated by ALLAH. 
This was totally the series of unfortunate events to my next door family when Kak Tiqah started behaving strangely after the accident- as her mother said- she slept a lot and turned to be a major passive in the house.
I was not really close to her but I know that she's a very kind-hearted person and I never expect that she'll be gone this early.

I mean...summing up the deaths happening in my kampong for this past one month, after grandma, the total of deaths occured here are entirely 6!
Hmm...it's not like I have no believe in fate of death but well ...it seemed like the death really plays hard in my kampong lately.
Deviant yet subtle.
From ALLAH we came and to ALLAH we return.
Subhanallah...

******************

Usually, before I hit the sacks...I always wonder how my life's gonna end up.
Is it because of sickness? or accident...or anything that can cause death other that those 2. Is it soon? Or am I gonna have a long and healthy life and gets to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Wel, no one can tell.
I believe in Husnul Khatimah and every Muslims including me yearn for it.
I really wish I'll end up well...
like those people who died when they're praying...or when they are delivering birth or when they're studying or reading the Quran...or after they do solat taubatan nasuha...
Well, if I googled through the ways people wanna die, it's like EVERYBODY wants to die in peace.
Only sick people wanted to die tragically.
Literally tragic- seriously like committing suicide and etc.
But the thing I feared the most is to die in an accident.
Because it's unexpected..and shocking...
I don't want my family to get shocked because of me die in an accident- it's like 'mati katak' and I pray hard that I won't end up that way.
I'd rather die because of sickness rather than involved in an accident. so that, my family can learn the fact that I'm leaving slowly and slowly and silently and peacefully...not like a sudden death...which is horrifying.
It's gory beyond imagination.
It's gory even if I have a mere lil hunch about it.

Hurm....
well...I wrote a lot eh?
It's been a while yet it's kinda weird to start greeting you people with the topic of death and sorrow and ets etc.
However, truth is, nobody can escape from death....
even 'as luck would have it' Luck can't save you from death.
InsyaAllah if we follow every orders from ALLAH and do all of it sincerely...we will end up in Husnul Khatimah...just pray for it, everybody. yearn and pray for it.
If we only have eyes on the dunia the akhirah will forget us...we won't enjoy our life in the hereafter. As some ustaz would say, you PLAY now, you'll PAY later...
It's sad when what's been clearly revealed in the Quran about the people who cried out because of the futility they made when they lived on Earth happens to us. Na'uzubillahiminzalik....
I don't wanna be in that kind of group..
I wanna be in the group of people lying on the beautiful green carpets, wearing clothings design in heaven, eating fruits and drinking water from Salsabila, Kauthar, drinking milk and wine..who won't poop and urinate instead, we'll just sweat perfumes and live there in our mahligai with our family and wildan and the bidadaris happily ever after...InsyaAllah...Amin ya Rabbal 'Alamin....
I wanna be in that kind of group...so I have to earn it..STARTING NOW, LEEN!
Heaven is fun and peaceful and in order to be in it, we have TO WORK HARD FOR IT! 
Let's work hard everyone! :)