My Indecisiveness.

Assalamualaikum wbt to my healthy readers!

Song: Life for Rent- Dido 

	Dido - Life For Rent .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Ten minutes ago, I was thinking of what exactly am I gonna write today.

And now, I decided to put some of my thoughts about life here. –Yeah- kinda boooring topic but I’d love to write about it anyway.

When I was in secondary school, I always thought that I already faced a lot of challenges in life that were enough to make me miserable every time I think about them, you know like challenges in competing, in friendship whatnot. But now I horrendously realize that they’re just the tip of the iceberg from the reality in life. Yeah- reality is kinda sucks but we have to face it anyway right?

Many people are able to face the reality in life- the reality that life’s not as easy as ABC. Nevertheless, there are also a bunch of people who weren’t able to pass through - the suicides and the alcoholics for instance. Not because they’re plain stupid for doing so- most of them are intelligent people, but due to their own indecisive manner to choose which way to go and also their lack of faith in God of course, they choose the very wrong path (the devil path) to end up all their life misery by destroying their own life.

I am not saying that I’m kinda losing hope here but hey- I already face a lot of diverging paths in life that I need to choose which one way to go- like in my study, my future profession, my relationship. I made my own decisions and I know that there can never be U-turns after I go on with any one of them. Yes it can happen if I want to turn back and go to the second path but it won’t erase the experiences that I’ve collected- good or bad- when I walked through my first path.  

Does this have something to do with my indecisive manner? I guess so since sometimes, when I first saw something that caught my intention, I would decide to take it up and grab any opportunities that were being offered so that I can experience it for real. But after some times, I found out that it’s not as interesting and as easy as my first thought about it. At the same time, I found another opportunity that really caught into me and decided to leave my misery of the thing I already had by throwing it away and taking up the other interest. Same thing goes when I discover that it’s not as easy as I thought and decided to leave it too. And the list goes on and on and I only finish all of them halfway. What is really going to happen to me in the end? I’ll definitely end up as a loser who got an unsteady life- a scumbag!

So now, I decided to face everything- I mean it- EVERYTHING that ALLAH wants me to experience because I made my decision that it’s time to face the challenges. Those challenges are just a temporal issue that I need to get over with-happy or not- because I know that in the end, I’ll definitely going to be wallow in victory and permanent happiness. Whether it’s going to be as successful as I plan or not so successful, I would never know, but at least I don’t run away from it. I don’t care what would ever happen to me in the end because I just know that ALLAH only grants those who have triumph and try their very best to succeed.

I put my faith in ALLAH and here, I rest my case-

I just need to try harder and never give up hope to be successful. It’s not that I really aim to be number One- Hey what’s wrong with number 2, 3 or probably number 10? Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way, and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever..Life is beautiful indeed ! :)

Passion for Cooking

Assalamualaikum wbt to all!!! :)

For the past two weeks, my passion for blogging was almost disappeared. I deliberately quit reading blogs, stop stalking people on the Internet, and also kinda quit writing anything in my diary- except for my must-to-do list of dishes I cooked through the days I stuck at home on and on which my abi is willing to pay RM10 per dish. Ha-ha! It’s like I’m completely overwhelmed in a mundane job. And by the way, if you’re thinking that I am a mean daughter for earning money from doing house chores (cooking for my family specifically)- it’s up to you because everybody who know me or doesn’t even know me would’ve thought like that. But for an unemployed 19-year-old jolly+ desperate-for-money girl like me, I’ll say go eff yourself, as long as I am happy that my pocket is always full, it’s not a big deal if it’s from my DAD’s wallet that the money came from. I have my own plan to do with that money and I wouldn’t be a total schmuck for writing a long anecdote about what I’m planning now because my intention for this entry is about something else. Not about those crazy plans. And besides, FYI, I am already a professional gold-digger. *wink wink* :)

I watched a very inspiring movie last night. The title is ‘Julie and Julia’. I don’t know if any of you had watched it but I totally confirm that this movie is kinda-lost my word here- kinda revolutionising. From a narrow-minded person like me, I think I can open it up just a little bit- you know about my own views on cooking.

If I listen to my mum and aunts and gram blab about women’s job- they will always viciously remind me that no matter how high we (Malay women) achieve in our study and also in our career, we will still going to end up in the kitchen. I always knew that and I learned so many things from them about the women’s job- cooking, cleaning, washing etc etc- and before this, I agree if during some of my bad days, I lost my mood and I’ll do those things carelessly for knowing that the elders won't scold me as long as I am willing to help them with the chores, repeat as what they had said to me :). Talk about taking things for granted, eh?

Nevertheless, I always have the mindset- a bad one- about cooking as I always label it as one of the women’s burdens that they need to bear for the rest of their lives. And now I realize that I’m partially wrong about it. PARTIALLY. I never took cooking as a deep passion instead of taken it as a burden. I really enjoy my time cooking, yes I do, but somehow, I don’t actually take it seriously or needless to say- passionately because I always told myself that I really had no talent in this thing so why should I mess up my mind about how to make them as tasty as Chef Wan’s. People hungry, they’ll eat and finish them up. Like it or not, I’ve cooked, and now it’s your turn to gobble them up and FINISH them all. Ha-ha. Aren’t I evil? Yeah...kinda but in some manner, I myself will silently winced if I taste my own badly cooked dishes (not always I guess) and I always hope to make it better next time. Hope so.

Julie Powell had challenged herself to complete Julia Child’s 524 recipes for 365 days- and she blogged about how she felt deeply about cooking and how Julia had inspired her to cook. Julia is like her imaginary friend that always motivates her not to give up cooking. And whenever she cooks, she always felt Julia’s presence although Julie and Julia had never met in person before. Julie was just playing with her own imaginations in order to create her own self-motivation about completing the challenge.

I think I just need to challenge myself a bit- test my power and talent in things I do especially with the bazillion types of house chores. And hey, I am not playing to be super duper housewife (wife??) here but I just can’t imagine what I’m going to do if I am not competent in this cooking area. I just need to practice and practice and more practice until I become a good cook. Not for everybody else and not for making money (this is optional ok). Just for my own self-satisfaction. At least if people ask “Can you cook?” or “Do you know how to make this and that (dishes)”, I wouldn’t be too hesitate to admit that I can do it terrifically. *wink again* ;)

The book which is already adapted into a movie

Julie Powell

Julia Child- the legendary woman who taught Americans how to cook