Trying to Let Her Go...

Assalamualaikum wbt to all my dearest readers..


Hari ni dah pun masuk hari raya ke-4...
Tapi aku still rasa macam tak raya pun 
Screw all the baju raya, kuih raya and ketupat!
Screw orang cakap Johore raya sebulan!
Screw my two weeks raya holiday because it's inadequate!
Kalau mood keluarga bagi tahun 2010 ni ialah 'minta maaf, raya tahun ni hanyalah pergi sembahyang raya sahaja', I would've expect it earlier...
And I don't mind about it at all
Because ape yang penting sekarang ialah atok, atok and atok
Itu sahaja. Titik noktah.


Firstly, I would like to apologize kalau ade antara pembaca aku yang mengharapkan entry bumper aidilfitri yang aku dah uar-uarkan before ni. Minta maaf sangat-sangat, entry tu actually dah separuh siap tapi I am not going to post it because it is not alligned with my mood for raya now.
Bagi aku sekarang ni, raya hanyalah pada hari raya pertama sahaja. Hari-hari lain; biasa...


Bukan kami tak nak sambut ...erti raya bagi pendapat aku ialah kita pergi ziarah saudara-mara yang jauh and saling bermaafan, isn't it? Tapi, tahun ni, saudara mara yang jauh pulak datang melawat rumah Auntie Nah di Johor untuk ziarah...ziarah siapa? Ziarah atok yang sedang tenat....so bak kata abi bila aku tanya nak pergi beraya saudara kat Kluang tak, abi jawab 'tadi kan baru Auntie Rose [family kat Kluang] datang ziarah sini [rumah Auntie Nah]...'


Erk, before tu untuk makluman, aku and family aku had spent the whole 3 days of Raya kat rumah Auntie Nah because Atok is being nursed there. Minggu lepas pun kami ada datang jugak untuk lawat atok. Keadaan atok, it is...worsening...


Atok....


Entry ni aku tak nak cerita sedih-sedih because ummi had already told me not to put sad story about atok in here. There are already too much tears and sorrow now so no need to add more ...it will only cause greater pain and somber if any of my relatives read this.


Raya tahun ni memang terlalu berbeza jika nak dibandingkan dengan raya-raya yang lepas. Yelah, dulu atok ada untuk masak juadah raya bagi kami yang pulang ke kampung ni...Semua bila balik mengharapkan air tangan atok...And semua sekarang ni dah mula merindui air tangan atok...


Kami tak tau yang kaki kanan atok sakit sebab blood clotting and gangrene. Ingatkan gangrene hanya menyerang pesakit diabetes aje. Atok takde diabetes so bila tiga jari di kaki kanan atok turned bluish, some of us expected that it is caused by the cold. Besides, the foot is so cold, colder than the left one. Maybe ramai tak tau kan ape itu gangrene. Gangrene is a term that describe the death of an area of the body. It is develop when the blood supply is cut off to the affected part as a result of various processes; infections, vascular diseases, etc. The most common parts of the body that usually being attacked by gangrene is the toes, fingers, feet and hand. Click here to read more about gangrene.


Misalan kes atok, gangrene tu dah kacau atok punya jari and since it is very acute, within 3 days dia dah sampai ke peha atok. Sekarang doctor dah bagi kami dua pilihan, which is for us, the choices given are actually wouldn't make any difference. The choices are;

1.  Cut her leg [sampai pangkal peha atok] to stop the development of gangrene. All of us found it nonsense! Nak aniaya atok ke apa? Kesian atok. But doctor had reminded us, she still cannot guarantee that atok will survive after the operation due to the other contributing factors towards the healing of the wound . Sebab atok is 83 already and the new cell development is so slow and we're afraid that the chance for her to survive will be shortened.
2. Just let her be that way; bedridden. Treat her as usual and let the fate play its duty. The gangrene will continue to develop and as what the doctor said, it will be the source of infections. The doctor also had reminded us yang ini pun sama; The chances for atok to survive is very very low.

So, of course semua da sepakat untuk pilih the 2nd one. Siapa yang mampu tengok atok hilang kaki di saat saat akhir macam ni. Kenapa nak seksa atok lagi kan? 

Oh my God...Memang waktu doctor bagi kami pilihan tu, I can see that all of us were totally flabbergasted. Nak ditelan mati emak, nak diluah mati bapak.

Susah nak terima kalau hakikat dah mengatakan yang  Raya ni adalah raya terakhir kami bersama-sama dengan atok.

Aku tak boleh lah cerita lagi. Banyak sangat cerita sedih....

Ya ALLAH...Kau permudahkanlah segalanya....

Atok...kami semua sayangkan atok, tok...Kami tak nak tengok atok menderita sakit..

Ina sayaaaaaaannnnggggg atok!!!!!!!!!