Me & Him

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Sunday, July 25, 2010

I Never Even Try to Hate You... :'(

This one is for that particular person
One of the most important people in my life
You are very important to me..
Even I told you so many time that you are not.
Even I told you so many time that I don't care about you anymore
Even I told you so many time that I'll hate you forever

Every single hatred that I told you are only an unforgivable lie
You don't believe it? I'll prove it..
I love you so much
Because now I myself had cry because of you
This is not the first time I shed my tears for you, 
I want you to know this...
I miss you..I just miss you
It really had kill my ego
I miss your calls..
I miss your jokes...
I miss your smile...
I miss every single thing about you..

The reason why I wrote this is for you to read..
Although I know that you'll never read my blog..
You hate me, aren't you?
So there'll be no rational reasons for you to read this
But I am dying here
I write this is because I want you TO READ and for you to UNDERSTAND!
Because whatever stupid hatred I poured on you
Is only a lie!
And yes! I am a Big Fat LIAR..
I cannot put out my ego
Because I had it too much

Do you still remember our childhood vows?
You told me so many times that whatever it is
You'll always stand by my side...
You'll always be with me
You'll always take care of me..
I still remember that you had punch one boy- a former KAFA classmate of mine straight on his face
Just because he had bullied me
You always protect me 
Once you had said that;
You will hate people who hate me and
You will love people who love me
You know all my friends
I know that you really really care about me
And I want to thank you for that

Oh God...I really cannot blink away 
The tears of missing you
You are my beloved
And I will always love you...

Where are you now?
Why do you slipped away so easy?
Don't you remember me? 
Is it because of you hate me very much that make you vanish?
Do you still love me like when we're small?
Do you still care about me?
Please tell me that you do
Please....

You know what?
I want to congratulate you
For leaving me such an unforgettable memory
That's so sweet- it hurts me a lot
Yes..Sweet but painful
Because there's a twinge of guilt inside it.
I feel guilty, you know
Every time I look at our pictures together
When we were in kindergarten
When we were in primary school
A picture worth a thousand words...
I love you
I really do

All that I want now is for you to know
and to realize
that I love you always
Because every single memory of you and me
Is still playing vividly in my mind
Sometimes, before I sleep
I'll think of you
Of us...
I miss you and it's killing me
I never hate you..
I never even try to do so
Because I can't
I just can't....

You can call me anything that you want
Last time when we fight
You had curse me, 
and I had curse you too
And I don't remember how many time I told you that I hate you
Do you?
And I also don't remember how many drops of tears I had shed for telling you that
I felt regret because now,
All that I want you to know is
Those didn't come straight from my heart
I can't hate you..
Because you are one of the most important people in my life.....

I don't want to write anymore
Because my sight is quite blurry right now
Yes, I am crying 
Because I feel a very great twinge of pain inside my heart
And also the lump in my throat
Call me 'mengada-ngada'
Call me 'kuat nangis'
Call me 'bodoh'
Call me 'cendawan kememeh'
Because all those are quite true
I must admit
All of that is because of the pain
of loving and missing you..

I love you *********.... :'(

2 comments:

iqa pika said...

nok neh da angau..

Amalina Sulaiman said...

bukan pasal dia la mangkok....pasal org lain....org sedih ni... :((